A Lifetime with Bhagavan
IN 1908, when I was 12 years old, Bhagavan was still in Virupaksha Cave. My cousin, Krishnamurthy, used to go to Bhagavan every day and sing songs of devotion and worship before him. One day I asked him where he went daily. He told me: “The Lord of the Hill Himself is sitting there in human form. Why don’t you come with me?” I too climbed the Hill and found Bhagavan sitting on a stone slab, with about 10 devotees around him. Each would sing a song. Bhagavan turned to me and asked, "Well, won't you sing a song also." One of Sundaramurthy's songs came to my mind and I sang it. It's meaning was, "No other support have I, except thy holy feet. By holding on to them, I shall win your grace. Great men sing your praise Oh, Lord. Grant that my tongue may repeat Thy name even when my mind strays."
"Yes. That is what must be done," said Bhagavan, and I took it to be his teaching for me. From that time on, I went to see him regularly for several years without missing a day.
One day I wondered why I was visiting him at all. What was the use? There seemed to be no inner advancement. Going up the hill was meaningless toil. I decided to end my visits on the hill.
For one hundred days exactly I did not see Bhagavan. On the hundred and first day I could suffer no longer and I ran to Skandasramam, above Virupaksha Cave. Bhagavan saw me climbing, got up and came forward to meet me. When I fell at his feet, I could not restrain myself and burst into tears. I clung to them and would not get up.
Bhagavan pulled me up and asked: "It is over three months since I saw you. Where were you?" I told him how I thought that seeing him was of no use. "All right," he said, "maybe it is of no use, so what? You felt the loss, did you not?"
Then I understood that we did not go to him for profit, but because away from him there was no life for us.