Ramana Smrti
Ch.2, He Opened My Heart
During my dynamic silence of thirty years, about five years were spent in going from saint to saint, ashram to ashram. Even samadhi was not the summum bonum of realization. My heart wanted something which I did not find anywhere during my long journey from Mt. Kailas to Kanyakumari. I stood in silence at the feet of the gigantic Gomateswara up the hill of Shravana Belagola when I was living among the Digambari Jain sadhus, wearing just a codpiece. At midnight a bright face rose like the sun in the crimson dawn, and a hymn from the Vedas came to my mind, ‘There he rises, the brilliant sun spreading a thousand rays, the cosmic form of the effulgent splendour, unique light, life of beings’! The crimson glory opened two lotus eyes, then coral lips emitted pearly smiles.
I quickly remembered Ramana Maharshi and felt his inner call. I put a semicolon to my spiritual pilgrimage and went quickly to Arunagiri. I went up the hill, took a bath in the waterfalls, meditated in the Virupaksha cave and came down. Accidentally Seshadri Swami met me and smiled at me. I went near him and in his silvery voice he declared, “Go on and on, Shuddhananda, until you go deep in and in”. He accompanied me a few yards and ran away saying, “Run, run, Ramana waits for you. Go in and in”.
I reached Ramanasramam and entered the small shrine of the Mother. There was a square room adjoining it and Nayana stood up exclaiming, “Welcome, Welcome! Swagatam”! Ramana’s gentle voice said, “Let Bharati come in. Bharati varattum”.
I saw no human form. I felt dazed. An effulgence enveloped me. My mind disappeared into silence. I sat down, closed my eyes and entered the inner cave — nihitam guhayam. An hour passed like five minutes. I came back to myself, opened my eyes and saw Ramana’s lotus eyes riveted on mine. He appeared like a linga spreading rays of burnished gold. “Now you have felt That’, the cave is open! the ‘I’ is the Self-nectar!’. After all these years of sadhana, here I experienced a delightful inner reality which is beyond word and thought — Yato vaacho nivartante aprapya manassa saha. I caught hold of his feet and shed tears of delight singing with Saint Manickavachakar, who sang, “Today Thou hast risen in my heart a Sun destroying darkness”.
The next morning after my bath I was meditating when Ramana came and we spoke for half an hour about practical Self-realization. We had plenty of meetings during the nights. Maharshi is the beacon light of hope to seekers. He kept me in the Virupaksha cave silent.
The last day was fully spent at the feet of Bhagavan and that was my golden day. What he taught me on that day sustained me for twenty-five years: The egoless ‘I am’ is realisation. The experience of ‘I am’ is peace. The meaning of ‘I’ is ‘God’. The outgoing mind is bondage, the in-going mind is freedom. The heartward mind brings bliss. The restless worldly mind brings bondage and misery. The triads of knower, known and knowledge are one. You go to a cinema. Observe the projector light. If the projector light fails the whole show stops. Be Self-centered and finish your work in silence and come out. The world is nothing but the objectified mind.